bets' blog!!

[xxbetsaidaxx]

i feel like writing in here...

i haven't been online the last few days because i've been sleeping a lot, it was the only way i could keep from thinking about bad stuff...

i found out we're losing the house last monday (i overheard my stepdad and his brother talking about it) and i didn't know what to do or how to feel about it, i had no clue about the whole house situation before that day because my mom "didn't want me to worry about it" i tried being mad at her for it but i couldn't because i figured she was already dealing with enough crap and didn't need anymore from me so i just avoided everyone and stayed in my room...

on tuesday we had a sort of family meeting (my sister had to literally drag me out of bed and into the living room for it) and they just talked about where we should move, i didn't really say anything because i didn't want to care, but then my mom said that this was the perfect opportunity to start from scratch and move to texas (she's been wanting to move to texas for a few years now because one of her friends moved there) then i started breathing REALLY hard, so hard that my mom thought i was having an asthma attack, which is weird cause i don't even have asthma, i couldn't really talk but i guessed they figured i was trying to say "we can't" or something, after about five i could breathe again and i told them that they couldn't do that to me, not again, i was about to graduate in a few months, my mom took me into the kitchen and tried to calm me down (i guess i was still not back to normal or whatever) she kept telling me how much better things would be in texas and that she'd make sure i didn't get behind in my classes and a bunch of stuff i can't remember, i knew she wouldn't listen to anything i said unless i said something really worrying, so i said i would kill myself -i would never kill myself over moving, i would just refuse to go stay at someone's house or something, but my mom would never believe that, I don't know why she can believe that "her little girl" would kill herself but she can't believe i would leave her and go live with a guy- anyway that caught her attention and she told me we would get a house close-by so i could still go to the same HS, i said thanks and went back to sleep...

she found a house a few blocks away from here and she said it's really big and there's a room without carpet (i've been asking her if i could get rid of the carpet in my room for ages), she filled all the paperwork and stuff and we're moving there next friday... she's been watching me all the time since i mentioned suicide, i guess i confirmed what my stupid psychologist told her about my nightmares being a manifestation of my suicidal thoughts or however he put it i don't remember, i'm sure she's going to put me back on lexapro like he's been suggesting , i won't take it of course but it still sucks... at least we're not moving far, i really could not have dealt with another change of school and all the crap that comes with it, i've been through it enough times already

anyway i think i'm going to stop avoiding stuff and be back to my usual happy and hyper self

[xXxAnG.eLaxXx]

Oh my God! I'm so sorry to hear about your house! *hug*

[xxbetsaidaxx]

thanks *hugs you back*

[xxbetsaidaxx]

soooo i'm in my ner room in the new house... it's not so bad, but i still feel weird and creeped out cause it's really big and empty i moved on saturday but i didn't get internet until yesterday... i don't have a bed anymore cause gave it to my evil grandma cause i wanted to have a lot of floor space, i now have one of those sofa things that turn into a bed and it's good, but my pillow keeps sliding off and it's kind of annoying... i need a new thing to put all my clothes in because they're just on the closet for right now, and my books and stuff are still in boxes and that's really sad, books are not made to be kept in boxes... i don't have a mirror so i've been getting ready in the restroom, my sis has like three wall mirrors but she doesn't want to lrt me borrow one cause she just likes being a bitch about stuff like that... oh and my mom's friends fixed my computer!! i'm using it right now, he was able to recover all my data so it's awesome, and he only charged my mom $40 so yay, but my mom wants me to teach my little brother how to use it cause her friend's daughter is the same age and she knows how to use it, it's so stupid, he's only 6 why would he want to use a computer?! i hate how my mom wants her kids to be like on top of everything, i really hope she stops being like that for my little sister's sake... anyway i think that's it, sorry if nothing makes sense i just drank an entire bottle of nyquil and stuff so i'm really not myself right now... i should try to sleep

[xxbetsaidaxx]

oh and i didn't get the room without carpet, they decided to use that as a playroom for my little bro and sis cause it's easy to clean, but my room has huge windows on two sides of it so there's lots of light and i like that, it's the room in corner and it's weird cause i always get the rooms in the corner... there's a weird big tree in front of my window so it's really creepy/cool at night

[dark2nightmare]

have fun in your new room ^____^