Post by rei on Jun 24, 2008 13:54:10 GMT -5
Whether anyone reads it or not, I decided to start a blog here and vent some things on my mind. You can comment if you want or ask me anything, I don’t mind.
Currently, I’m living with my mother in Billings, Montana. The area I live in is thickly forested and inhabited with healthy and lively animals of all sorts. Sometimes I’m able to go into my backyard and spot antelope or deer, it’s very nice and I’m lucky to be able to see some of the things I do but I’d much rather live in a less vacant part of Billings.
I’m going to be entering the eleventh grade this next year; I’m supposed to actually be a senior in high school but credit-wise…I don’t make the cut. And now to explain why..
First off; I’m gay. And don’t jump to conclusions, I wont hit on you if you’re female and I’m in a relationship. My mother was disappointed when she found out but she quickly grew accustomed to me bringing home women instead of men. There has only been one man that I’ve been attracted to but he’s mildly insane and very feminine (go figure…).
I came out to her my freshman year when I was dating a woman three years older than myself. She was eighteen and I was fifteen; I’m currently seventeen. The relationship with her…(Victoria)…was both abusive mentally and physically. Our relationship was a d/s (Dominance/Submission) style, if you don’t know what that is…it’s probably best you don’t until you’re eighteen. I was involved with a very mature subject at a very young age and it’s warped my mind.
Victoria drove me into an endless cycle of self harm and anorexia. I was teased my ninth grade year for being overweight and last a great deal of it. 80 Pounds I think…
It’s taken me two years to heal from the relationship (which lasted a year). And I’m still shaken by the experience. I was so shaken during my tenth grade year, that my mother sent me to a therapist to spill information out to (whom I see every Monday). My therapist and I talk about the various sexual abuses I’ve undergone at ages 11, 12, and 15.
Recently, my therapist has nearly diagnosed me with a Split Personality Disorder. I’ve got a separate and distinct personality inside of me; when it takes control I cant say or move in any way I’d like to. I know I’m doing it…but I can’t control it. I’m taking Lithium (a bipolar and mood stabilizing medication) that seems to calm my other side down. I’ve also named my other side “Rei”.
My therapist claims that Rei is a part of me because of the trauma from the sexual abuse in my past. Rei speaks my mind and let’s others know what I’m thinking without hesitance even if It’s cruel. I hate it…but it’s a part of who I am.
My mother…after I graduate from highschool, she's sending me to a long term psyche ward for three months (over the summer) to see if I've ACTUALLY GOT a split personality. I don't want to go there...I've been in a ward for a week once...and I hate it!
Currently, I’m living with my mother in Billings, Montana. The area I live in is thickly forested and inhabited with healthy and lively animals of all sorts. Sometimes I’m able to go into my backyard and spot antelope or deer, it’s very nice and I’m lucky to be able to see some of the things I do but I’d much rather live in a less vacant part of Billings.
I’m going to be entering the eleventh grade this next year; I’m supposed to actually be a senior in high school but credit-wise…I don’t make the cut. And now to explain why..
First off; I’m gay. And don’t jump to conclusions, I wont hit on you if you’re female and I’m in a relationship. My mother was disappointed when she found out but she quickly grew accustomed to me bringing home women instead of men. There has only been one man that I’ve been attracted to but he’s mildly insane and very feminine (go figure…).
I came out to her my freshman year when I was dating a woman three years older than myself. She was eighteen and I was fifteen; I’m currently seventeen. The relationship with her…(Victoria)…was both abusive mentally and physically. Our relationship was a d/s (Dominance/Submission) style, if you don’t know what that is…it’s probably best you don’t until you’re eighteen. I was involved with a very mature subject at a very young age and it’s warped my mind.
Victoria drove me into an endless cycle of self harm and anorexia. I was teased my ninth grade year for being overweight and last a great deal of it. 80 Pounds I think…
It’s taken me two years to heal from the relationship (which lasted a year). And I’m still shaken by the experience. I was so shaken during my tenth grade year, that my mother sent me to a therapist to spill information out to (whom I see every Monday). My therapist and I talk about the various sexual abuses I’ve undergone at ages 11, 12, and 15.
Recently, my therapist has nearly diagnosed me with a Split Personality Disorder. I’ve got a separate and distinct personality inside of me; when it takes control I cant say or move in any way I’d like to. I know I’m doing it…but I can’t control it. I’m taking Lithium (a bipolar and mood stabilizing medication) that seems to calm my other side down. I’ve also named my other side “Rei”.
My therapist claims that Rei is a part of me because of the trauma from the sexual abuse in my past. Rei speaks my mind and let’s others know what I’m thinking without hesitance even if It’s cruel. I hate it…but it’s a part of who I am.
My mother…after I graduate from highschool, she's sending me to a long term psyche ward for three months (over the summer) to see if I've ACTUALLY GOT a split personality. I don't want to go there...I've been in a ward for a week once...and I hate it!