My blogoshpere

[dark2nightmare]

[glow=red,2,300][/glow]Well for right now I am just testing this out. I will post more soon.

[dark2nightmare]

[glow=red,2,300]Well today my friend is having a party. I hope it will be fun. I need to get started on finding out what I should take to burn. It's a bonfire party. I hope it's fun.[/glow]

[shadow=red,left,300]Right now my mom's friend. One of our neighbors is here. I hate her. Shes annoying and I hate the sound of her voice. My head hurts right now too. I havent eatten much today. I really need to go get ready.[/shadow]

Hopefully I can write about what happens tonight when I get back. Unless Im too tired. Chances are that I wont be.

[dark2nightmare]

Ok well, last night my friends party was fun! Of course like always I didn't talk too much. But I did a little. Just this other girl that was there is really loud and talkitive, so it's hard when your a polite person like me, to say anything. Its hard, like you have to shout over her. Bah! She pretty cool though, I mean shes still a shopmore, but yeah. Shes really smart I guess. Or she just makes up stuff to make herself seem smart. I don't know! Anyways so there was this guy there named Chris. I was in an interior design class with him. He was the only boy in the class. And I was like I know that kids face but not his name. Haha! He was like how do you know me? Haha! Of course I told him. Aparently he's pegan?! He was proud of it too. I didn't think my friend would be ok with that, really. But Im a neilisth, and Id rather her not know that. Everytime I tell anyone thats what I am. I get into this big argument about it. So I just kept my mouth shut. Anyways, so yeah this other dude that was there, his name is Alex. I was in the same yeared class as him, so thats how I knew him. He was nice ot me that night. But when I see him at college, on campus. He ignores me. An it hurts..so sometimes I just don't even acknowledge him. So yeah he says that there is a Live Action Showing of "Death Note" at the Springfeild 8 on wednesday. Now, Im not too much into anime. But Death Note is ok, really I just like it cause L is hot! So yeah I said that and my frined Suzane, it was her party, is making me come too. Really I dont mind going. Cause I like being included, you know? Anyways so I guess wednesday I am going with Alex, Suzane, and someone named Zack..to this thing...I don't know if that other girl that was there is going. She might be though. I hope its fun. But yeah after they all left, me and Suzane stayed after awhile and just talked, mostly about videogames and quizilla and stuff.

Also I need to start looking for a job, totally lame...

[dark2nightmare]

Ohhh looky at my new banner O.0

[glow=black,2,300]Well last night my little cousin showed up. Ive know for awhile that she'd be here. But I didn't think it would be so soon. So far shes kicked me, tickled me, ordered me around, and nearly broke my computer![/glow]

[shadow=gray,left,300]Also Im still looking for a job. It sucks cause it seems impossible to find one. But my neighbor has one now. And hes well not the smartest kid thats for sure.[/shadow]

So also my stupid brother is apparently doing well in school. Which really bugs, and it bugs me that it bugs me!!!!! Cause I mean...I guess after awhile I just thought I was better than him or something. I still think it, but when ever my mom starts talking about how well hes doing...I just feel like I dont want to lie anymore. I hate him more than she knows...gahhhhhhhh

Also....my keyboard is apart...and it sux....

[dark2nightmare]

Well my cousin is still here. Shes still bothering me but Im affraid to leave her alone again. I left her alone for awhile after breakfast and she wrote on the wall in dirt. She wrote: I killed Abby...(Abby is her friend) then she wrote Lexi Binder, (thats her name)...and then she wrote, I miss mommy. Thats the part that made me sad. That she missed her mom. Cause I mean shes suppose to have fun while shes here. But its hard to have fun when she wants to destory everything I have. And all she wants to do is fight with me or draw or annoy my friends (online...since I have like mostly no other friends)...or just I don't know...but it bugs me. I don't know when shes gonna go home either...but yeah...Another thing that really bugs me about her is, shes just 7...and shes knows why too much than a 7yr old should. She does because her half brother is a pot head. Her mom told me that he would take her with him to grow his weed and stuff. Also she watches family guy and stuff, I mean I watched South Park and Bevis and Butthead when I was little, but Im not as bad as her. Last time she tried to beat me up, she like punched my head and was like grabbing my boobs so I like friggen pushed her. She starts crying. An says like her brother plays wresteling with her all the time like that. So I tell her Im not her brother. An then she goes on to say that her brother let her give him a black eye. So I tell her that there is something serisouly wrong with that...

Also I really miss my Johnny Boy....( if you dont know dont ask)

[dark2nightmare]

Well Im feeling kinda depressed right now. I mean its bad enough Im going to be dragged to Kansas City for this stupid wedding thing. My Dads cousin is getting married or something I don't know! I really dont want to go. I think Id rather stay home alone. But now my mom just told me were going to LA. In califorina. To see my brother and all the other crap they have there. I really dont care for my brother very much, why would I want to go see him. Hes pretty much an asshole, and I like really hate him. And the other thing is thats where john lives. I know if I told him I was going to be there hed want to meet me somewhere. But I just dont think I want to meet him, yet. I do want to someday...but just not so soon. I met him "online" a year ago...and I love the kind of "realtionshp" we have now...so I don't know what to do...i need to think...

[dark2nightmare]

Well apparently the problem has been fixed I still didn't get to talk to John, but I think its all for the best. I love the kind of realitionship we have, and right now the way things are between us is great. But still it's not like he's my boyfriend. But whatever....Anyways apparently were going to South Padre Island in Texas. It might be cool I don't know it will be a place Ive never been before. So who knows it might turn out to be awesome. Plus Im not sad anymore...

[dark2nightmare]

Been cleaning house today getting ready for vacation...

[dark2nightmare]

Well once again I believed my parents that we were going ...anywhere.... So yeah Im feeling all depressed again... This is at least the 3rd time this has happend. When my parents say were going to do something and we end up doing nothing. I guess were at least going to Kansas City...but really...I feel like Id rather stay home alone. Cause I think my cousins will not really like me, and it will be really boring. Also if I stayed home we wouldnt need anyone to watch the dogs. But I mean...this is just stupid...I was actually looking forward to sitting on the beach...getting to use my fins in the ocean for once. But once again I will not get to do anything. I really hope when I move away and have my own life that I make a good amount of money, so I can go anywhere I want on vacation. Even if I go completly alone, I dont care....just as long as I get to go. Anyways I don't know what is really going on. But I guess after friday I will know for sure....

[dark2nightmare]

Also I feel really ignored by John...and its just making me feel even worse

[dark2nightmare]

So yeah I finally know what it is we are doing for vacation So Im not soo sad now....I still think that my cousins will hate me But at least after the wedding and crap were going to worlds of fun, I don't know how much fun it will be...but the rides are big! And from the footage Ive seen on youtube, they look fast! ;D So thats good...Then after all that stuff in Kansas City were going back home, but just for a night Then were going to this resort thing in Arkansas...I don't know what that will be like, it looks kinda boring but its a plave that Ive never been to...so yeah...Also Ive been watching beeteljuce cartoons on youtube while packing today....so thats fun, but....I still feel soooooo ignored by John...I mean I left him like 4 messages now....all unanswered.... but knowing me, I will forgive him easily enough....

[dark2nightmare]

Well Im back now and boy was it a crazy vacation. First we had to find someone to watch the dogs my friend was going to be busy while we were gone so she couldnt do it. So we had this kid named Conner who lives up the street to watch the dogs. Now see I yelled at him one day, cause I was pissed off at our dog queeny. Cause she had ran into someone elses back yard and started digging it up, plus it was a hot day. So yeah but I appologized before we left, and he said that it was ok. But before that, when my dad was loading the car queeny ran outside. So yeah it was also raining, and by the time we had the car loaded she still hadn't come back. So we just had to leave, and Conner and his older brother Colter were gonna wait for her to come back. I was more worried about my Puppy, cause I was affraid that by the time we got back hed be dead. Cause he wont eat much, and he doesnt like new people. So I was also thinking that I should tell them that he might bite them, but hes so old, that hes got like almost no teeth, so I thought if that did happen it wouldnt hurt. So yeah, then we left to Kansas City in the rain.

[dark2nightmare]

So we drove up to Kansas City, I was listening to my Ipod the whole way. When we got farther up north it stopped raining, and my dad had to stop a lot to pee... I was just glad when we got to the hotel. We got these really good gooy chocolate chip cookies. I guess they give them to all their guests. Anyways we were on the 2nd floor. And as soon we walked in the room my mom was like lets go swim. So we went to the pool. And the pool only got about 5 ft deep. So I could stand up in it. And I always like to swim under the water. My mom brought these ear plugs, and I didnt wear them, cause I thought I would look dorky. But now I wish I had worn them, cause my ear is still stopped up. Anyways that was the first day.

[dark2nightmare]

Wait no! That wasnt all that happend that day, its been awhile so I forgot. After we went swimming, we had to go out to eat. We had to meet I guess it was everyone that was gonna be at the wedding So my dad drove out of the way I guess, to find this place called trollys. When we got there we went through the back door... but then we found everyone so yeah...I sat there and at first it was ok, kinda boring, cause I was sitting across from nobody. But eventually there were like 4 girls I was sitting across from. They all looked like preppy blonde clones. The youngest one looked like emo ish, so I asked her like what kinda music she liked, which was hard because I was having trouble hearing even myself speak, cause of my ear, plus Im weird about meeting new people in general. Anyways she like just said I don't know whatever...and went and sat by one of her sisters...i guess I looked too goth, that day,... Thats what always happens emos think Im too goth, goths think Im too punk, and punks think Im too emo Anyways the food wasnt too bad. I had a philli cheese steak, since I never had one before, it wasnt bad, but it wasnt that great either....Anyways I also had some sweet fries with it. Those tasted like cinnomin. The one that was my age kinda talked to me a little, but mostly while she was "talking" to me she was looking at her sister, I don't know I do that too kinda, dont look at people when I talk to them, but when I do I dont look at someone else, just something else. But she was saying something about not doing too well in school. The younger one said, just find some smart asian kid to do it for you. So it seemed like they were all pretty stupid. The next oldest one talked to me some, but I don't know it felt weird cause she made me feel like a retard or like I was at a job interview or something. But eventually she just picked up her cell phone, (which was a T-Moblie Sidekick I guess she didnt notice I was drolling over it, but its hard to read any emotion on my face sometimes) So yeah after that, eveyone was going to someone named Danny's house. I don't know, I really didnt know any of those people. So I will write more later, cause Im tired now...

[dark2nightmare]

So yeah, we went to his hose. And I was just kinda like ok...wtf am I suppose to do here... When I walked in the one emoish looking girl was there too, with 2 other women that I didnt know, my mom went somewhere else I don't know where...and my dad I dont think he ever even came inside.... So yeah I was just like ok...wtf....so I started talking to this one woman, at first I didnt notice that her front teeth were brown, until she opened her mouth. I could tell she was drunk or something...and of course she was grabbing another beer out of the fridge. I was just wanting to through the gum I was chewing away...So yeah after I walked around the upstairs, my mom apeared, and the other woman said something about someone lighting a fire downstair...i was like, umm i wonder if thats outside... So me and my mom went downstairs and I guess those women did too...They were messing around with the pinball machine...and I was just like ok this sux... My mom went outside, and I stayed inside, I really needed to use the bathroom..but the one I found, I couldnt find the light switch, and with the door closed it was pitch black in there... I didnt even know whos house it was so I didnt know who to ask. + its an embarssing thing to ask about... Anyways I walked outside for a second...I didnt know who any of those people were and they were all standing around talking...and when their constent drunken chatter become and annoying blur in my one ear...I went up stairs...I found more drunk people still drinking that I didnt know And I still needed to use the bathroom...so I saw one upstairs...and went in to use it...but then I noticed, someone had already used it and didnt flush... So I was like ok wtf it must be broken...so I went out and all those people were still standing there...I don't know if they heard me but I said, "Someone else must have already broken it..." and went back down stair... So then I was like ok...this really sux....I want to go....So I went and sat down in a chair...and I was just thinking like, if my brother was here at least Id have someone to talk to, then I started thinking about my moms family...and how different it would be if I was at one of their houses...I thought Id probably be playing guitar hero with my cousin danile (I don't know if i spelled that right but yeah hes a guy)...So then for some reason I felt like I was about to cry and I did a little...and then someone was showing someone else around the house...I don't know...and they saw me...and they said...hi *interest my name here* ...and i just said hi... ...and then they left, but then as soon as they left some other people showed up, and they made me feel even worse...once again I was made to feel like Im retarded or at a job interview...like they keep asking me the same damn questions and I always have the same damn answer...its like cant you just shut the fuck up and leave me alone....but then one of them had a new question....he asked me about my brother...and i hate being asked about my brother....he asked how he was, and i said I don't know...and then he asked like dont you talk to your brother...and i said not really....and then he said something about some girl who was here that was like my age or something..... Im really sick of people thinking that just b/c your the same age as some means youll be best friends... really even in high school my friends were either older than me or younger than me....I don't know what it is but i just seem to hate people that are my "age"....anyways....so yeah they left me,,....finally...I don't know i felt like sitting there all night, until one of my parents came and got me...but I don't know then i saw that emoish girl again...and she was playing with this little girl, so i go over there and try to I don't know be nice to them i guess... but the little girl just looked terrified of me....and then i asked her what something on the table was that i thought they were playing with possibly....and the little girl told me what it was and she said i could show you how to use it if you want,,...but really that kinda pissed me off like I don't know how to use a stupid kids toy...w/e....anyways she still just looked terriffied of me so i say like, "what are you affaird of me or something, I don't know you just look scared of me...your like oooh dont look at me, and touch my stuff, then i made like this growling noise" and she laughed, but then she like she scares me...and the emoish girl was like me too... and that really made me feel even worse than I already did....Anyways then I went outside again...and just stood there again....and it was really boring...so I went back up stairs....and then my mom was there, and she was like wheres dad...and im like I don't know....and she said maybe hes outside in the front yard, so we went out there...and he was there...with like I don't know some lady and the emoish kid again...i just ignored her....shes a bitch as far as I care.....Anyways then they were saying like oh you just missed it...(i forget the persons name) just sped off in...(i forget if it was a car or a motor cycle).....anyways...I really didnt care I just still needed to use the bathroom...and my mom was saying we should go...or something...and then I was like mom I need to use the bathroom....and then the woman that was there was saying that theres one right there upstairs....and I was like I think its broken...And she was like, broken? Then some guy came out and she was telling him that I needed to use the bathroom and he said that there was one right there in the hall...and I said I think its broken...so I didnt want to use it..... and he was like what do you mean broken,....and then i guess the woman who was there was his wife or something...anyways she was like well go fix the damn toilet....and then he said it wasnt broken just needed to be flushed...and then it made me feel bad that, he even had to do that cause he was saying that and stuff and they were saying it was probably lindzey (I don't know if spelled that right) anyways.....i was like well I don't know who that is but ok.... and they were saying she has lost of kids and they were saying that kids never flush the toilet....and Im just like uhhh wtf, Im pretty sure I always did.... Anyways there was another bathroom on the 3rd floor...so I used that one...and then as I was up there looking for it the guy and the woman were downstairs telling me which way to go, and Im just thinking, yeah Im not retarded...its the room with the toilet.... and then I started thinking what did they think I was going to steal from them or something.... anyways then when I was going back down stairs the little girl was like, did you just use the bathroom? and i was like,...yeah.....and then I went back outside, and my mom was like ok were gonna leave.....and then we left....and went back to the hotel, it was hard to fall asleep, and I was still crying becuase of what happend but my parents didnt noticed even though they were right there....I was hiding my head though...